Panic Attack!

Hey Everyone!

We are nearing our trip and this morning I had a bit of a panic attack. I woke up around 5am and felt very anxious and nervous for next to no real reason. So for about an hour I was up alone trying to take my mind off of it all, all while still trying to figure out what would make me feel a bit better.

I was on medication during part of my high school career for anxiety and visited a great psychiatrist at least once a week. Of course being in high school and having any thing out of the ordinary is something you kind of try to hide, for fear of joke being made at your expense, and people looking at you differently. I was no exception! Most people didn’t know about it at all and I didn’t really ever tell any one. It wasn’t until I personally stopped taking my medicine and decided to use the techniques I had learned with the psychiatrist that I started not caring who found out. Of course, I was nearing a college age and could re-invent myself easily.

I have been off medication for over 12 years now and I have managed things pretty ok. I still have bouts like I did this morning that basically cripple me unless I can get out of that funk. I talk myself through things over and over and do the standard deep breathing and that tends to help quite a bit. I also love having a phone now (Which wasn’t a thing in highschool) that I can use to take my mind off of thoughts that keep trying to drag me back in. I tend to feel myself get a bit sweaty in the palms and hot, as well as terrible stomach cramps, that pretty much lock me in a bathroom. So it is pretty not great. It gets so bad sometimes that I get nervous about a place not having a bathroom, that in turn then makes me need one, and that cycle repeats itself until I can snap out of it. :/

Going on trips like the one we are taking are normally ok. My big fear in life is machines that I am not in control of. This is what trips me up quite a bit, and is the reason I hate planes, riding in cars, and elevators. It has evolved since I have gotten older to a control issue in general. I used to be able to just bug out somewhere with no plan and be 100% ok with dealing with what comes at me. Not so much anymore. It may have something to do with having a wife and a kid now too. I feel as if maybe I would be ok alone, but now I have other lives with me. Everything for me is now mostly planned out. This trip has been a bit of an exception.

I ended up having to book a hotel, because last minute my wife’s Uncle got some weird stand off-ish cold feet vibes. He has since offered to let us stay again…but with us leaving in two days we already had a hotel. :/ We will have to stop once on the way there and on the way back, and up until today I didn’t know where we would try to stay. I have since made a reservation haha. this all just stems from my breakdown this morning. I have the route printed out, even though we have it on our phones. All just little things to bring some more control to the trip. There will be plenty of unknowns when it comes to driving 1500 miles with a one year old baby haha.

As of right now, my lunch break, I’m feeling much better. I will have a great time and so with my little family. I know once we get on the road and feel like we have everything ready to go that it won’t be a problem at all. It is just the build up to the whole things that gets me. I let the stress of that, getting paid part way through the week, and having bills due while on vacation get to me a little bit too much. I’ll be bringing my laptop with me to cover all of those things anyway so it shouldn’t bother me too much.

I will ride out the little bit of this week that is left and be on the road in no time! That being said I will be off from the blog this whole next week, but may still have some pictures up on my Instagram, so feel free to check in on that if you would like to. I should be back again Monday the 4th, unless we get home crazy late.

That is it for me today! I will be back for a quick ‘Coffee Talk’ tomorrow morning and that will be that! I hope to see you then. 😀 😀

 

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Wedding & Productive Weekend!

Hey Everyone!

I would like to start off by saying sorry for missing Friday’s post. Whoopsies! In all seriousness I didn’t for get I was tasked with a really difficult project. It has all been sorted out as of this morning but it was something I was not very familiar with, so it took a while. It was a macro enabled Excel sheet that got all jacked up from the latest Office update. I has to go through the VBA code with the guy who wrote it and figure out what we could do. It really did take all day haha.

Secondly I want to send a shout out to Riley, from Riley’s Backpack! A while back you might remember him and his friends wanted to raise enough money on their Go Fund Me page to renew their domain and keep it ad free. I helped them out with what I could, and in return He send me a hand written letter. I wanted to say thank you and let you know you did indeed get my name correct haha 😀

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Saturday the little family and I went to a wedding! It was not just any wedding, it was her father’s wedding to his long time girlfriend. They now have a baby boy well over one year old and finally got hitched. You can see all three of them below.

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I know it isn’t the best picture but our little buddy kept getting fussy and we did end up leaving sooner than we intended to. It was a quaint little wedding in a nice Catholic church. The reception was on the lake in a really nice dining hall. The trip was a bit lengthy and I wasn’t super fond of that but it was all worth it.

Before we went to the wedding we stopped for lunch at my wife’s grandparent’s house. He had pumpkins waiting for him and wanted pictures with him up on his tractor. So that is what went down. Here is a shot of Everett Hugh and his great grandfather Francis Hugh!

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Once we got home that evening we hit the hay.

Sunday started out pretty lazy, as intended, but wound up being quite productive. We didn’t quite have a frost but it was damn close. We had some morning coffee from our new coffee bar, and watched Netflix in our pajamas. We did have quite a bit to do and honestly got most of it done. We had your standard weekend cleaning, on top of laundry since we were gone the whole day before. I took out all the trash, hung Halloween lights, and mowed the grass. Later in the day I had a lady come look at the pellet stove I am selling, and I hope to hear back from her soon. My parents came over and brought Chinese for dinner. That was a great way to round out the weekend.

On a, probably over protective note, our boy has what looks like a small red-ish rash looking spot on his chin. Since we were around a bunch of people recently we don’t want him to have anything wrong with him. You hear all of the horror stories about babies getting bad viruses and we really hope it is nothing. I think I’ll call the doctor after lunch.

Again I apologies for missing Friday but I’ll be back again tomorrow. I’ll see you then! 😀 😀

Summary Of The Next Week …or so

Hey Everyone, Thanks For Coming Back!

Yesterday I did a run down of sorts on what went on during the holiday weekend. Today I would like to look ahead and let you all know what will be going on the next 10 or 11 days. there are some pretty big things and a lot of moves, in more than one way.

Today is my last day of sanity before this mess all starts. I may be able to muster up the energy to go paint a few walls at my new house, but I’m not sure yet. Tomorrow is a big day to kick everything off. I won’t be putting out a post, for the reason of, ‘I won’t be here at work to do so’. I will be taking my last half day of vacation to finish the fence that we started this last weekend. On top of that I have Home Depot delivering 3 brand new stainless steel appliances. The bad part about that is that they have a four hour window, so I have to be available whenever. Once this gate is done on the fence I will be able to bring my dog over, which is a huge part of the moving process. Without her we won’t officially move. So I’ll be checking that off my list tomorrow, as well as the kitchen being mostly ready to go. To finish off the week I will finish painting with my wife and get the upstairs trimmed, after work of course.

Saturday and Monday (Also won’t be here to post) I will be hunting the elusive White Tailed Deer, native to this region. Opening day was yesterday but it was buck only. To optimize my chances I had this second Monday called off in advance. Saturday is the opening of both buck and doe. Both days will be an all day affair, unless I get one Saturday then I may not go out again. This year we are going to butcher our own since our old butcher is in poor health. It would be nice to get a buck, because I haven’t yet.

The Tuesday after (The 6th), I will be here at work but for how long and when I won’t be sure. That is the day that we are having our internet and TV service installed. They supposedly will be calling me 30 minutes before they arrive. In that time I must leave work and go be there for up to three hours. I don’t know it it will be around this time or not, so I may get a post in and I may not. I hope to though, maybe I’ll sneak one in if I have the time. Again the rest of the week will be dedicated to working then moving stuff.

Saturday the 10th we are getting a tiny break and going with my brother and his fiance to a local hockey game. I haven’t been to one in years. We are excited to go, but have to miss my companies’ holiday party. :/ This brings me to Sunday the 11th. Gah, I am not really looking forward to this day. This will also be the end of this stressful busy streak. My wife really wants our kitchen wall to be busted out and turned into a breakfast nook. This will open the galley style kitchen up a bit and give us more counter space. I like the idea, but after finding out that it was the original exterior wall of the house I am a little hesitant. Her mom knows a contractor that will come and cut it out and knock out the bricks of the wall, with my help. He will install a steel “I” beam to support the weight of the house, as well as do the drywall, and install a counter top for us. He said we can have it all done that day as long as I can stay and help. I am worried about the stability of our house, and I’m not sure what would happen if something goes wrong. Since he is doing this as a favor and not as a service there will be no real paper trail , so if something does go wrong I’m not sure about the legalities to hold him responsible for shotty wok, if that is the case. Just thinking about the whole thing kinda makes me sick, I’m just hoping that its all done correctly and goes off without a hitch. I don’t want to have my house fall down and then have no way of holding this guy responsible.

So that is my immediate future! haha I hope you have a less stressful week or two planned. I hope you have enjoyed my post as always, and I’ll see you again Thursday! 😀 😀